How to Smoke in Your House without People Knowing

Smoking indoors is never an ideal situation; even so, situations arise where it’s preferable to going outside. Making sure the smoke gets out can be a tricky situation by itself. It’s especially difficult if you’re trying to keep it on the down-low. Keeping in mind the potential consequences may not be worth the convenience of smoking indoors, there are a lot of things you can do to minimize the risk. While there’s nothing you can do to guarantee you won’t get caught smoking inside, there’s lots you can do to improve your chances. Controlling the smell, directing the smoke outside, and properly disposing of the evidence will help maximize the likelihood you’ll get by undetected.



Being Sneaky

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    Consider the time you want to smoke.[1] The easiest way to alleviate stress and risk while smoking indoors is to pick a time when the risk of detection will be minimal. This could be either when other people are out on an errand, or while they’re sleeping. Choosing a quiet, undisturbed time is especially important if other people have made a habit of barging into your room unannounced.

    • Keeping second-hand smoke away from other people is a good choice if you want to safeguard their health. [2]
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    Have a good excuse for going out to get smokes. One potential way you might get caught is if you leave your house without good reason for doing so. If the people you’re living with are particularly suspicious, they might take random trips out as a justification to snoop into your business. The best way to overcome this is to get your smokes while you’re out doing other scheduled activities, like work or school. That way, they’ll have no reason to eye you when you come home on time.
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    Hide your contraband somewhere inconspicuous. Especially if you’re living with snooping parents, it’s very important to hide your smokes somewhere where they’re not likely to find it. This includes making sure you’re not hiding it in obvious places. Take a look around your room, and try to spot somewhere you would never expect them to find it. This can take some time, so be patient.

    • While you want to make your stockpile inaccessible to any potential trespassers, you don’t want to hide it so well that you’ll make noise while looking for it. If enough noise is made while you retrieve your smokes, you’ll inadvertently alert people to your room!
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    Stay calm throughout your interactions. Keeping stuff hidden from people you’re living with is going to cause some stress, but it’s important you don’t give yourself away. If you’re prone to anxiety, the way the stress manifests itself might give others a hint that you’re trying to hide something. In a worse case, they might even suspect you of doing something far worse than smoking indoors.



Masking the Smell

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    Open a window or fireplace duct. Before you start smoking, it’s very important you give the smoke an exit to escape. Without an open window or duct, the smoke will linger in the room and your health will be at risk.[3] Depending on the room you’re going to smoke in, there should almost always be some window to open.

    • A fireplace duct is an even better choice, as fireplaces are specifically designed to let smoke escape.[4]
    • It’s not recommended that you try to smoke if the room you’re planning on doesn’t some kind of access to the outside.
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    Place a wet towel against the bottom crack of your door. Next, you’ll want to make sure the smoke doesn’t get a chance to escape to other parts of the house or building you’re smoking in. The best way to do this is by placing a towel (preferably wet) along the bottom of the door. This way, the towel will block off the most obvious place for smoke to get out.

    • Making the towel wet does add extra protection against smoke, but it might not be a great idea if you’re worried about being caught after the fact. Someone else might notice the wet patch on your doorstep and start asking questions.
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    Turn on a fan or ventilator.[5] The most important way to prepare before smoking indoors is making sure your room has excellent air circulation. Turning on a fan will disperse the smoke shortly after it forms. The particulars will vary depending on the type of room you’re smoking in, but a tabletop fan will work well enough, provided you have it pointed at an open window or duct.

    • Some bathrooms come equipped with special ventilators that clean the air by sucking up excess moisture and particles. If your bathroom has this or something similar to it, turning it on and aiming the smoke towards it could be a quick way to eliminate the smell and visible smoke both at once.
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    Fill your room with another smell beforehand. Although you’ll ultimately want to eliminate the smoke smell for good, another great way of dealing with it when other people are in the house is through masking the scent with another, more powerful one. There are a lot of potential options in this regard; the trick lies in figuring out which one best suits your situation.

    • The most common method of masking scent is through using an air freshener. [6]These ‘room perfumes’ will spread a mild, unintrusive smell designed to mute other odours in the air. Air fresheners are very affordable and easy to find. If you don’t already own one, go to your nearest store and purchase one. Once you have it, make sure to spray all around the room, making sure to give attention to the ceiling, corners, and other places the smoke might linger.
    • If you’re in a bathroom, one effective trick is to put a bit of shampoo in the sink and mix it with some hot water. The shampoo’s aromatic qualities will quickly fill the room, making the subsequent smoke that much harder to detect.
    • Incense is another good choice, and one of the most effective when it comes to masking unwanted smoke. However, keep in mind that incense might raise eyebrows in certain environments, and some people might find the smell just as intrusive as that of a cigarette.



Smoking Discreetly

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    Aim out a window.[7] The most common method of smoking indoors is by finding a window, and aiming your smoke outside. Not only will the smoke now have somewhere to go, you’ll also have less issues with a lingering smell. The most common method of smoking indoors is to stand next to a window, leaning into it, and exhaling the smoke outdoors. The way you go about it will depend on the shape, position and size of the window; anything is fine so long as the smoke is getting outside as fast as possible.

    • If you have a portable fan, try putting the fan next to the window, aiming outwards. When it comes time to exhale, exhale into the fan from behind it. The fan’s blades will subsequently hurl the smoke outside.
    • If you’re by a window and are looking to not get caught, you should keep an eye on your surroundings outside. If someone’s outside, it might look suspicious that you’re leaning out your window. Exercise alertness and caution.
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    Minimize the risk of picking up the smoke’s smell. Keep your hair out of the way. If your hair is long, it’s a good idea to tie it back; that way, your hair won’t pick up as much of the odour.

    • While you’re at it, you might want to take off any extra layers of clothing you might have. Anything you’re wearing is going to pick up some of the smell, so it’s a good idea to minimize what you’re wearing before you smoke.
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    Smoke. At last, you can enjoy your smoke! Be ware, however, for anyone that might come in or see you while you’re smoking. Any amount of time you have the smoke in your hands increases the risk of being caught, so try to keep the experience short and sweet.

    • Make sure to have somewhere you can quickly discard your cigarette in case someone enters the room. If you’re fast and fluid enough, you might be able to get rid of it without them knowing you were smoking to begin with.
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    Be wary of others while you’re smoking. This includes keeping both ears alert for sounds in other rooms, or footsteps that sound like they’re heading to your room. If it’s really important you’re not caught, staying alert and on-edge may give you a few seconds extra notice, and those seconds could mean the difference between getting caught and getting away with it.
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    Spray an air freshener once you’re done.[8] Even if you sprayed some air freshener before diving into your smoke, it doesn’t hurt to give your room another round with it. That way, the freshener will be the most recent smell in the room, and others will have a harder time picking up the unwanted scent.



EditHiding the Evidence

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    Douse your cigarette under cold water.[9] As you’ll want to continue minimizing the amount of smoke your cigarette produces, the best way to put it out is through water. Hold the cigarette in your hand and gently douse it underneath a faucet. Make sure to keep the cigarette in your hand; if much of the ash falls down the drain, it could lead to clogging.
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    Clean your makeshift ashtray. The definition of an ‘ashtray’ will depend on where you were discarding the ash while smoking. Often, a small plate or cup will work as well as a real ashtray. Scrub with water and a bit of soap until the ash is gone.

    • If you were smoking out a window, it’s likely you were dropping the ash out the window. This is a good idea in most cases, so long as you make sure not to let the ash hit the side of the building. If you do, the black trail from your window leading will be a telling sign you’ve been smoking, and the evidence is very difficult to clean up discreetly.
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    Dispose of the cigarette. The best way to get rid of a cigarette discreetly is to flush it down the toilet.[10] Before you flush it, make sure you’ve covered the cigarette in some toilet paper; that way, there’s less chance of parts of the cigarette floating back up.

    • If you’re really cautious and are worried you’ll be caught whilst disposing, you might prefer to seal the cigarette remains in a Ziploc bag. That way, the next time you go out, you can throw it out in a public trashcan.
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    Wash your hands. Even when the cigarette is gone, you’ll still have some things to do to make sure you won’t get found out. Washing your hands thoroughly is a good start. Make sure to use a lot of soap. Washing with hot water alone won’t be enough to rub off the smell.
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    Brush your teeth. Just like your hands, your teeth will keep a lingering odour after you’ve smoked. You should make sure to brush your teeth for at least two minutes, with special attention given to the tongue and gums.

    • If your breath is still bad, eating a spearmint candy or gum will fix any lingering smell issues.
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    Have a shower. Showering is the most important part of post-smoke hygiene as smoke will linger on any surface it touches. Use a lot of shampoo and wash your body thoroughly. Pay special attention to your hair, as hair picks up smoke relatively easily. If you usually focus purely on the hair when you shower, make a note of cleaning arms, legs, and other parts that weren’t covered by clothing at the time. With the right amount of soap and shampoo, a three minute shower should be all you need to kiss the bad smell goodbye.
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    Get into a new set of clothes. Once you’re out of the shower, you’ll lastly want to get into new clothes. Even if you were diligent in getting the smoke outside, some of the odour will still find its way onto your clothing. Having a fresh pair of pants and shirt should suffice.

    • It’s recommended you tend to your own laundry yourself if you don’t already. Someone else who is cleaning your clothes might still pick up the smell, even days after the fact.
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    Stay cool and calm. While smoking indoors isn’t stressful by itself, there can be a lot of emotional strain in trying to hide something from someone, particularly if you’re close with them. If you’re prone to any sort of anxiety or nervousness, you might find the secrecy triggers a bad reaction, especially the next time you’re interacting with other people in the house. If you’ve finished your smoke and feel anxiety or guilt, remind yourself that you’re through the worst of it. If you’ve followed all of the proper steps, other people should have no reason to believe you smoked in the first place!

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